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Celebrity bumpwatching has become a national pastime in America. Seems nowadays if a starlet so much as drinks a bloat-inducing soda or embraces a new fashion fad that involves empire waistlines, every blog and celebrity tabloid races to publish paparazzi pics of her "bump" and announces that she's well into her third trimester. And pretty much the instant any it-girl is spotted in public canoodling on a first date, gun-jumping gossip columns predict that she and her new love interest will be registering at the Right Start any day now. (Frankly, we're surprised such rumors have yet to surface about American Idols David Cook and Kimberly Caldwell, who went out to dinner ONCE and are now supposed an "item.")
And then, when celebs like Jennifer Lopez or Christina Aguilera do officially announce that they have buns in their ovens, the media goes into pregnancy-patrol overdrive, detailing everything from these A-listers' $25,000 Bugaboo strollers, designer maternity wear, and platinum-plated Tiffany baby rattles to their Pilates postpartum shape-up routines.
Well, this week the press once again had babies on the brain--although this time, it was with pretty good reason. First, newlyweds Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz confirmed longstanding shotgun-wedding-centric rumors that yes, Ashlee is preggers with a little Fall Out boy or girl of her very own. So, congratulations to the happy couple. We believe their baby registry is listed at Hot Topic...
However, news of Ash and Pete's incubating bundle of joy was nothing compared to the gibungous bundle of news that another Idol, Clay Aiken, dropped on us this week. OK, faint-of-heart/stomach readers, we hope you're sitting down for this doozy: Clay Aiken is going to be a father. Of a baby. A baby being carried by a woman. A woman named...Jaymes.
Allow us to explain. We know this report must be shocking to even the most hardened That's Really Week reader. Clay's late-fortysomething producer/roommate/"best friend" Jaymes Foster-Levy (sister of famous record producer David Foster) is reportedly gestating with baby-makin' Aiken's spawn...and for those of you who must know the gory details, Jaymes apparently conceived Clay's baby via artificial insemination. Clay is planning to be actively involved in the child-molding (pun intended) process.
We here at That's Really Week are rarely at a loss for words. But seriously, we don't know what to say here. Feel free to add your own thoughts on the message board conveniently located below. Because we are seriously speechless.
Moving on...in other baby-related news, youngest Hanson brother Zac became a father for the first time, at the ripe old age of 22 (those Hanson bros start basically right after their 21st birthdays, presumably to create enough musicians to form a new Hanson when, Menudo-style, the original Hansons get too old to keep mmmbopping). Meanwhile, Madonna finally got her controversial adoption of little David Banda approved by the Malawian government. (People, don't preach--she's made up her mind and she's keeping her baby.)
Congrats to both these proud parents.
However, troubled babymama Britney Spears, who is fighting to regain custody of her own babies, Sean Preston and Jayden James, may have to wait a little longer: It's doubtful she'll be able to hash things out in family court too easily when her own court-appointed probate attorney, Samuel Ingham, just told a Los Angeles Superior Court commissioner that she's not yet fit to participate in court proceedings in her conservatorship case. Britney's probate case is scheduled to go to trial July 31, but Sammy said it could be "harmful" for her to participate because of ongoing medical conditions. So it looks like it might be a while before Britney no longer has to answer to her conservator father, Jamie Spears--or before she gets her boys back from their father, K-Fed.
In other legal/governmental news, R. Kelly's trial continues apace (it's still not looking too good for him); the Cuyahoga County coroner ruled that R&B singer Sean Levert's sudden March 2008 death was due to natural causes; and Secretary of State (and apparent newbie Kiss Army recruit) Condoleezza Rice was "thrilled" to meet Gene Simmons and Kiss at a Swedish hotel this week; and Amy Winehouse is set to perform next month at a London concert honoring former South African president Nelson Mandela's 90th birthday.
Amy's not exactly the greatest spokeslady for world peace, given her tendency to engage in violent bar brawls, so let's just hope she doesn't jump out of a (rum) cake or try to do some drunken Marilyn Monroe-serenading-JFK impression at the Mandela shindig. That would be awkward. And possibly kind of gross. Also, let's hope Amy doesn't call him "My Nelson (formerly) incarcerated!" in any birthday speeches she slurs.
And finally, speaking of London, this week 1,000 alt-rock fans will march on the London offices of U.K. newspaper The Daily Mail, to protest the paper's outrageous claim that emo band My Chemical Romance had anything to do with the recent suicide of emo-loving British teen Hannah Bond. We send our condolences to the entire Bond family, of course, and send our kudos to the marching pro-emo soldiers who are speaking out against such scapegoating.
And thus concludes another amusing, bemusing, and sometimes confusing week in music news. Come back next Friday for more headspinning headlines, and until then, goodnight and good music.longer version: http://new.music.yahoo.com/blogs/thatsreallyweek/16136/may-26-june-2-oh-babyBelow is what is IN:
AHH THE BEACH
WILLIAM MOSELEY
Man, it's been a rough couple of years for Jessica Simpson. First she split from her husband and Newlyweds costar, Nick Lachey--who wasted no time rebounding into the arms of Vanessa Minnillo and releasing a breakup-themed solo album that easily outsold Jessica's post-divorce flop, A Public Affair. Then she split from her own rebound beau, John Mayer (who's reportedly since taken up with a new "Friend," Jennifer Aniston), and then when she hooked up with football star Tony Romo of the Dallas Cowboys, she was accused of cursing the Cowboys games she attended. And now it seems Jessica is the one who's truly cursed, as Us Weekly and Access Hollywood are both reporting that her public affair with Tony has come to an end.
This lovelife snafu could not have come at a worse time for Jessica, as it coincides with the rumored May 17 wedding of her little sister Ashlee to Fall Out Boy rocker Pete Wentz. Ashlee's own new album, Bittersweet World, may have been an even bigger sales failure than Jessica's last effort, but life has otherwise been anything but bittersweet for Ashlee, who's been flashing an ear-to-ear Chiclet grin in every paparazzi pic ever since she and Pete announced their engagement last month. Us also reports that Ash is preggers with a little fall out boy or girl, which may explain her perpetual rosy glow these days. The emo postercouple have yet to confirm that rumor, or the one about their wedding taking place this weekend at a "top secret" location, but Us claims the two will get hitched on Saturday...and that Tony Romo will NOT be among the wedding guests. Oh, poor Jessica. Always a bridesmaid...perhaps never again a bride. Here's hoping she learned a few good catching/tackling techniques from Tony, so she can put those moves to good use during Ashlee's bouquet toss.
Anyway, while the newly single Jessica distracts herself in Nashville by finishing up her first country music album, another country star is suffering from her own lovelife woes: Shania Twain has announced that her producer hubby Robert "Mutt" Lange is no longer "still the one," and that she is divorcing him after 14 years of marriage. Apparently Mutt don't impress her much anymore. The rock producer, known for twiddling sound-desk knobs for the likes of Def Leppard and Loverboy, has also produced all of his wife's monster-hit albums since 1995...so let's hope her fans are still impressed by her post-divorce music once Mutt's no longer in charge. Otherwise she might end up with a flop album on her hands, too.
One female music star whose lovelife is going to go through a serious dry spell between now and 2016 (unless she is allowed conjugal visits from her fiancé, rapper Papoose) is Remy Ma: The hip-hop MC was sentenced to eight years in prison this week. Dang, that's seven more years than Lil' Kim got, but then again, Lil' Kim was only convicted of perjury. Remy, on the other hand, was convicted on assault, weapon possession, and attempted coercion charges for shooting her friend during an argument. Papoose--who had planned to marry Remy last weekend in a very un-Simpson-like ceremony at Rikers Island jail, but was denied after showing up with a handcuff key--took the news just as hard as Remy herself. He shouted, "Lock me up! Lock me up!" to court officers (presumably he wanted to be locked up with his boo) before being escorted straight out of the courthouse. Sources close to the couple tell reporters that Remy and Papoose still plan to marry--so who knows, maybe Remy's lovelife will still be more active than poor Jessica's after all.
And on other troubled-female/prison news, oft-divorced/locked-up pop star Britney Spears was in another minor fender-bender this week (thankfully not nearly as serious as the car wreck that claimed the life of gospel singer Dottie Rambo last Sunday). Meanwhile, on the other side of the pond, Amy Winehouse (whose husband, "Blake Incarcerated" Fielder-Civil, remains in jail) escaped from being charged with drug possession this week. So how did Amy celebrate her freedom? By hitting the town with her recently imprisoned party pal, Pete Doherty, of course! Wow, it's nice to see Amy has a stable man in her life to take Blake's place, huh? Seriously, she'd probably be better off hanging out with K-Fed. Or Papoose!
And thus concludes another amusing and bemusing week in music news. Come back next Friday for more headspinning headlines, and until then, goodnight and good music.
Yahoo lists have just released a new list of the best Hair Metal Band of all time:25. Winger24. L.A. Guns23. Queensryche22. Enuff Z'Nuff21. Hanoi Rocks20. Angel19. Lover Boy18. Faster Pussycat17. Bon Jovi16. RATT15. Quiet Riot14. Kix13. Vixen12. Scorpions11. Cinderella10. Twisted Sister09. Spinal Tap08. Motley Crue07. Ozzy Osbourne06. Kiss05. Aerosmith04. Def Leppard03. New York Dolls02. Van Halen01. GUNS N ROSES!!!so here you have it. The best Hair-Metal bands of all time.In other News: Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon might be husband and wife! NEW YORK - Nick Cannon is cast as Mariah Carey's lover in her new video — but has the superstar diva given the young actor a considerably bigger role in real life? According to several published reports, Carey, 38, married Cannon, 27, on Wednesday. Neither Carey's publicist nor Cannon's manager returned requests from The Associated Press for comment.
If the pair did indeed wed, it would be a whirlwind romance. Word that the two were seeing each other first surfaced in the last few weeks. Last Saturday, Carey was seen sporting a huge diamond ring on her finger at the Tribeca Film Festival premiere of her movie, "Tennessee," in which she plays a waitress. Cannon was at her side at the party. Speculation swirled that the couple were engaged.
Latina.com was first to report that the two got married, at Carey's home in the Bahamas. Friday's New York Post also had the pair wed and E! Online quoted a relative of Cannon's as saying that he called his family and confirmed the news.
AHH THE BEACH
WILLIAM MOSELEY
